Yeah, so the first week and a half of school has already become obsolete in the annals of what is relevant to the here and now, but I will attempt a recap fr the benefit of all you History Majors out there.
Last Tuesday morning (my first day of school) Mom woke me up with the disquieting phrase: "Christine, it's 7:20 aren't you supposed to be leaving for school?". For some reason (probably power outage) my alarm had not gone off as scheduled and I had overslept by about an hour. Ouch. Mom fed my birds for me and I grabbed my stuff an ran out the door. Needless to say I was 15 minutes late for my first class, getting there in time to sign in, take a syllabus and be dismissed with the rest of the class (how embarrassing). The rest of the day went alright, so I guess I shouldn't complain...
On Thursday my last two classes: Government 5-6:15PM and Art 6:30-9:15PM both were canceled, so Danielle (she is in Gov. too) went to go see The Skeleton Key at the theater. Freaky movie, but lacking something...don't know what it is, but it's lacking.
Anyways, Saturday I went to church with Kimberly again. They were having something called "College Night". College night is more of a "hang out, talk, play games, and eat good food night" than anything else. Kimberly and I left early to go to our friend Sheila's birthday party. The difference between the two crowds was remarkable. Sheila got quite a bit drunk so Kimberly and I took her home. Then I ran Kimberly home and didn't get home myself until 1:30AM or so. That was a tired weekend.
The last bit of news is that I've been accepted into a program through my school. I am so VERY excited! There is a possible scholarship for $500 and there is also the possibility of two trips: one to Washington, DC and the other to Austin, TX. I can't wait to get involved.
That's all for now,
Christine
8.31.2005
8.21.2005
Sad Day / Happy Day
Today Grace called crying and told me that her little dog, Peanut, had been attacked by a pack of dogs that live in her neighborhood. She asked if I could come and try to do something for him because she was afraid that he might die. When I got there he wasn't moving. He was anemic and had huge, fluid-filled bruises on his back and stomach. He was cold, barely able to move and couldn't stand. We took him outside in the sun to warm him. After seeing him, I didn't think there was much hope. Grace asked what we should do and I told her that we could take him to an emergency animal hospital, but that it would be extremely expensive and Peanut probably wouldn't make it anyways. I told her the best thing for the dog would be to drive it home so that Dad could euthanize him so that he wouldn't suffer. We decided to take him home and see what Dad thought about the situation (Dad is an M.D.). Well, it was a thirty minute drive home and when we got there Dad didn't really have any ideas either. He asked if I'd called anyone from the animal clinic (where I volunteer), so I called Tina. While I was explaining the situation to Tina, Peanut started convulsing and I knew he was dying. I told Tina I'd call her back later and just stood there and held Grace while her dog died. She was (understandably) very upset. Laura and I drove Grace back home and helped her bury Peanut in her backyard. Bye the time Laura and I left Grace's, she was feeling a little better; but I'm sure she'll have to work through the pain for a while before she feels all the way better.
Kimberly called today too; she was upset because she was worried that I was upset with her over our conversation Saturday night. She felt like she'd just dumped all her problems on me and that she had scared me away. What really had happened was the opposite; she drew me closer to her because of the genuineness of our conversation. One of life's rare joys is finding and connecting with a genuine person. My talk with Kimberly was, to me at least, like rain after a drought or food after a fast. She fed my longing for a mutual understanding with another person (outside of my family, of course).
So anyways, I guess that's it for today... I could list some other occurrences for the sake of journaling: Carrie and Jason came by the house while the family was having fellowship (they didn't time it that way on purpose, it just happened) so that Carrie could get a sick note from Dad for a riding competition she'd entered before she got sick. Laura and I painted Dad's new office room upstairs. We did it in a light gray and it is going to have a darker gray trim.
Blah, blah, blah.
Alright, that's all for now because, not only is it starting to sound really boring, but I'm falling asleep.
'stine
Kimberly called today too; she was upset because she was worried that I was upset with her over our conversation Saturday night. She felt like she'd just dumped all her problems on me and that she had scared me away. What really had happened was the opposite; she drew me closer to her because of the genuineness of our conversation. One of life's rare joys is finding and connecting with a genuine person. My talk with Kimberly was, to me at least, like rain after a drought or food after a fast. She fed my longing for a mutual understanding with another person (outside of my family, of course).
So anyways, I guess that's it for today... I could list some other occurrences for the sake of journaling: Carrie and Jason came by the house while the family was having fellowship (they didn't time it that way on purpose, it just happened) so that Carrie could get a sick note from Dad for a riding competition she'd entered before she got sick. Laura and I painted Dad's new office room upstairs. We did it in a light gray and it is going to have a darker gray trim.
Blah, blah, blah.
Alright, that's all for now because, not only is it starting to sound really boring, but I'm falling asleep.
'stine
8.20.2005
Church
Tonight, for the first time in probably eight years, I "went to church".
It is not that I don't believe in God; I am a Christian. It is that churches tend to ignore the people and focus on the building and the "congregation" (aka "not the individual people making up the congregation, but the overall appearance and the continued monetary support of the "church" by the people). I just can't justify the cattle at the feeding trough style of "getting God". I much prefer to have my own personal relationship with Him. Isn't that why Jesus came? so that we could have one on one with God and not have to worry about all the in-betweens? Otherwise why bother coming at all? Did he come to save animals? Because that is the only difference I can see between today's churches and the ones of the Old Testament: that today's churches don't sacrifice animals for the sins of the people. We still follow a "code of conduct" all figured out for us by the pastor/priest/rabbi and then we don't have to worry about being bothered to figure any of it out for ourselves, or God-forbid, actually talk to God and have Him give us specific advice for our own situation.
Anyways *steps down from well-worn soapbox*
I really liked this church that I went to tonight. Kimberly (who I work with at the animal clinic) invited me to go with her (she goes almost every Saturday night). It was a tiny church with only maybe twenty or so people attending. We had a time of worship and then the pastor had us read Job 23:1-7
Then Job answered and said,
"Even to day [is] my complaint bitter: my stroke is heavier than my groaning. Oh that I knew where I might find him! [that] I might come [even] to his seat! I would order [my] cause before him, and fill my mouth with arguments. I would know the words [which] he would answer me, and understand what he would say unto me. Will he plead against me with [his] great power? No; but he would put [strength] in me. There the righteous might dispute with him; so should I be delivered for ever from my judge."
The pastor asked us to split into groups of two and to pray about what we are desparate for. Then we read the scripture again and prayed in groups of four. Afterwards, we split up and Kimberly and I went outside and talked about our problems a little just to kinda clear the air.
Found out that we are pretty kindred spirits despite the fact that Kimberly can go a little bling-bling sometimes. I guess everyone has an odd side... I wonder what people say when they talk about me? Maybe it sounds like this: "That Christine, she's alright, even cool on occasion, though she can be a little bossy sometimes." or maybe it's "though she does go off the deep end withsome of her ideas."
Whatever.
Maybe next week Andrew and Laura will be able to come to "church" too.
Lots of drama here at the house this week; it was all very stressful and the challenge of not crying in front of anyone had to be compromised. I cried in front of family and then both cried and teared up (separate occasions) on the phone with friends. Crazy. Wish I were a pink and purple kangaroo.
Sorry, it's late.
Christine
Just Watched: Pacifier (it was funny and surprisingly clean, but lacked an element of reality).
Still Reading: The cat doctor book (previous post)... and the Bible.
Currently hugging: My pillow
It is not that I don't believe in God; I am a Christian. It is that churches tend to ignore the people and focus on the building and the "congregation" (aka "not the individual people making up the congregation, but the overall appearance and the continued monetary support of the "church" by the people). I just can't justify the cattle at the feeding trough style of "getting God". I much prefer to have my own personal relationship with Him. Isn't that why Jesus came? so that we could have one on one with God and not have to worry about all the in-betweens? Otherwise why bother coming at all? Did he come to save animals? Because that is the only difference I can see between today's churches and the ones of the Old Testament: that today's churches don't sacrifice animals for the sins of the people. We still follow a "code of conduct" all figured out for us by the pastor/priest/rabbi and then we don't have to worry about being bothered to figure any of it out for ourselves, or God-forbid, actually talk to God and have Him give us specific advice for our own situation.
Anyways *steps down from well-worn soapbox*
I really liked this church that I went to tonight. Kimberly (who I work with at the animal clinic) invited me to go with her (she goes almost every Saturday night). It was a tiny church with only maybe twenty or so people attending. We had a time of worship and then the pastor had us read Job 23:1-7
Then Job answered and said,
"Even to day [is] my complaint bitter: my stroke is heavier than my groaning. Oh that I knew where I might find him! [that] I might come [even] to his seat! I would order [my] cause before him, and fill my mouth with arguments. I would know the words [which] he would answer me, and understand what he would say unto me. Will he plead against me with [his] great power? No; but he would put [strength] in me. There the righteous might dispute with him; so should I be delivered for ever from my judge."
The pastor asked us to split into groups of two and to pray about what we are desparate for. Then we read the scripture again and prayed in groups of four. Afterwards, we split up and Kimberly and I went outside and talked about our problems a little just to kinda clear the air.
Found out that we are pretty kindred spirits despite the fact that Kimberly can go a little bling-bling sometimes. I guess everyone has an odd side... I wonder what people say when they talk about me? Maybe it sounds like this: "That Christine, she's alright, even cool on occasion, though she can be a little bossy sometimes." or maybe it's "though she does go off the deep end withsome of her ideas."
Whatever.
Maybe next week Andrew and Laura will be able to come to "church" too.
Lots of drama here at the house this week; it was all very stressful and the challenge of not crying in front of anyone had to be compromised. I cried in front of family and then both cried and teared up (separate occasions) on the phone with friends. Crazy. Wish I were a pink and purple kangaroo.
Sorry, it's late.
Christine
Just Watched: Pacifier (it was funny and surprisingly clean, but lacked an element of reality).
Still Reading: The cat doctor book (previous post)... and the Bible.
Currently hugging: My pillow
8.17.2005
How odd
Here, I've read about reading face lines. Here is a site that gives a rough sketchy attempt to read hand lines (no, this is not magic; the lines on our bodies come from activities or feelings we feel and are the result of muscle and skin movement). For the most part my results were true, though I don't know about the future stuff; maybe it is based on potential.
you can do your own here.
YOUR REPORT ON PALM ANALYSIS
Your strong, deeply etched lifeline reveals a strong nervous system. In addition to that it reveals an equally strong physical constitution. The stronger the life line, the stronger the overall constitution, ensuring that there is stamina, vitality and good health.
You are a person more likely to succumb to illness more easily and take longer to recover. With the nervous system being more sensitive and finely tuned, mental or emotional stress will play a large part in the overall physical well being.
You might become mentally unstable at the point of time as indicated by the cross in the lifeline.
You are hard working, alert and work according to a planned scheme. You are quite willing to follow rules and regulations and also to have continuity in a family business.
You are wise and intelligent. You carry out your activities with forethought and conviction. Sensitivity of nature becomes very noticeable.Your moodiness is often uncontrollable, in the sense that the company of people you may be in will dictate your moods.
You are a person who has a nurturing, caring nature with plenty of love to give,even to the extent of being termed posessive.
You prefer not to reveal your feelings but to ponder about it,assess and decide how to deal with them.
You may not be trustworthy. You are adept at telling lies.
You tend to fall sick often.
You will be active right up into old age.
You will be blessed with a stable relationship.
You may undertake many travels to many places.
You may be healthy,wealthy and may lead an honourable life.
Each braclet signifies a lifespan of about 30 years.
You are a person with robust constitution and excellent immunity from diseases.
you can do your own here.
YOUR REPORT ON PALM ANALYSIS
Your strong, deeply etched lifeline reveals a strong nervous system. In addition to that it reveals an equally strong physical constitution. The stronger the life line, the stronger the overall constitution, ensuring that there is stamina, vitality and good health.
You are a person more likely to succumb to illness more easily and take longer to recover. With the nervous system being more sensitive and finely tuned, mental or emotional stress will play a large part in the overall physical well being.
You might become mentally unstable at the point of time as indicated by the cross in the lifeline.
You are hard working, alert and work according to a planned scheme. You are quite willing to follow rules and regulations and also to have continuity in a family business.
You are wise and intelligent. You carry out your activities with forethought and conviction. Sensitivity of nature becomes very noticeable.Your moodiness is often uncontrollable, in the sense that the company of people you may be in will dictate your moods.
You are a person who has a nurturing, caring nature with plenty of love to give,even to the extent of being termed posessive.
You prefer not to reveal your feelings but to ponder about it,assess and decide how to deal with them.
You may not be trustworthy. You are adept at telling lies.
You tend to fall sick often.
You will be active right up into old age.
You will be blessed with a stable relationship.
You may undertake many travels to many places.
You may be healthy,wealthy and may lead an honourable life.
Each braclet signifies a lifespan of about 30 years.
You are a person with robust constitution and excellent immunity from diseases.
8.16.2005
TalkTonight
Kimberly, Danielle, and I are all talking together on Skype. Danielle and I are playing scrabble (she's winning). We play all the time and usually end up breaking even on the wins.
Later: Danielle is still winning scrabble, but she has gone to bed. Kimberly is telling me a story from her Dominican Republic trip. She got drunk off of a shot of rum the night before her trip back home. She said she even had a hangover *grin*.
On the way back they were super delayed because of a hurricane and then ended up driving from Houston in the middle of the night. Crazy.
Kimberly is a sweet girl that I work with at the animal clinic. She can talk.
Later: still talking.
I'm so tired.
Alright, Danielle and I are going to school tomorrow to pay for parking and so I can talk to an advisor about straightening out a few of my classes. Right now I need to go to bed.
G'night.
'stine
Later: Danielle is still winning scrabble, but she has gone to bed. Kimberly is telling me a story from her Dominican Republic trip. She got drunk off of a shot of rum the night before her trip back home. She said she even had a hangover *grin*.
On the way back they were super delayed because of a hurricane and then ended up driving from Houston in the middle of the night. Crazy.
Kimberly is a sweet girl that I work with at the animal clinic. She can talk.
Later: still talking.
I'm so tired.
Alright, Danielle and I are going to school tomorrow to pay for parking and so I can talk to an advisor about straightening out a few of my classes. Right now I need to go to bed.
G'night.
'stine
8.15.2005
The Grizzly Man
Tonight I went with several friends to an advanced screening of Grizzly man, a story about a man named Timothy Treadwell. He spent 13 summers in Alaska living with the Grizzly bears. He was killed by a bear in the fall of 2003. I never want to see the movie again, but I'm glad I saw it. Mr. Treadwell was a certified nut, but there were many times during the movie when I really identified with him *shudders*.
Really scary. If you don't see the movie (rated R for language), you should at least watch the trailer; it kind of gives a synopsis of Treadwell's story.
Anyways, it's been a long day, so goodnight.
'stine
Really scary. If you don't see the movie (rated R for language), you should at least watch the trailer; it kind of gives a synopsis of Treadwell's story.
Anyways, it's been a long day, so goodnight.
'stine
8.14.2005
Sometimes...
Life is black as night all around
dark and alone I stand
wrapped in blackness
Only small bits, like diamonds
scattered across life's expanse, twinkle
and break the monotony of black
The small bits, these "stars"
are very far away
It is a wonder we notice them at all
On the lighter nights the stars all but disappear,
we do not need their feeble light when the sky is bright with friendly moonlight.
But when the night is darkest and Hope, Joy, Love, Peace are all flown, with this, the blackest black, the stars cluster and burn and fill the night with their brilliance.
Too numerous to count
they bring hope to the most hopeless situation
Love to the loneliest of hearts, joy to the pitchest black space,
and peace to the most torturous fear.
Thank God for the stars.
dark and alone I stand
wrapped in blackness
Only small bits, like diamonds
scattered across life's expanse, twinkle
and break the monotony of black
The small bits, these "stars"
are very far away
It is a wonder we notice them at all
On the lighter nights the stars all but disappear,
we do not need their feeble light when the sky is bright with friendly moonlight.
But when the night is darkest and Hope, Joy, Love, Peace are all flown, with this, the blackest black, the stars cluster and burn and fill the night with their brilliance.
Too numerous to count
they bring hope to the most hopeless situation
Love to the loneliest of hearts, joy to the pitchest black space,
and peace to the most torturous fear.
Thank God for the stars.
8.01.2005
Life is a great big...
I don't know. It seems lately that with all the overwhelming stuff going on in my life that I'm just going to bust.
I could lie down and die and be perfectly happy right now because I wouldn't miss the stress and the mess that is life for me. There have been times in the past when I have felt that way simply because I was so happy and so content that I felt that I could die and be at peace because of the great peace that I felt. This is not one of those times. This is a time of considered (and rejected) suicide (rejected because it is a selfish route and I believe that life holds a promise of some few worthwhile experiences still yet). It's funny how many times a person (namely me) can think that he or she has hit his or her all-time low, yet the next day brings a lower cut and then another even lower than that. Another funny (not humorous-funny, but ironic-funny) observation I have made is that when the low comes and the first wave of nausea has installed itself firmly in your gut, you can get up and keep on functioning and before you know it you are talking and laughing despite the underlying threat of the-fear-of-the-unknown.
I would just like to stand here and say that when life has essentially swept you off your feet and turned you on your head, that it is possible to walk on your hands.
I would also like to say that friends and family are essential to the mind's retention of sanity during this time of increased stress. My family has been the impetus to be strong and not fail and my friends have been a surprising blessing, giving me a hand and an ear.
Through it all I try not to cry in front of anyone but God. I can't stand having anyone else see me fall, because then they are forced to carry the burden of my pain plus whatever hurts and stresses they are feeling already. I prefer to be strong and dry eyed, then cry later on my own with God.
Through all this the only real thing that has saved my life is the total trust that I have in God. If I for once thought that He didn't care or that He didn't exist, I would have to just curl up and disappear. I cannot live without His comfort and without the knowledge that He won't give me more than I can handle. *sigh*
I am going to stop before I start preaching because if there's anything I dislike more than sauerkraut, it's preaching.
That is all. Thank you and goodnight.
Christine
I could lie down and die and be perfectly happy right now because I wouldn't miss the stress and the mess that is life for me. There have been times in the past when I have felt that way simply because I was so happy and so content that I felt that I could die and be at peace because of the great peace that I felt. This is not one of those times. This is a time of considered (and rejected) suicide (rejected because it is a selfish route and I believe that life holds a promise of some few worthwhile experiences still yet). It's funny how many times a person (namely me) can think that he or she has hit his or her all-time low, yet the next day brings a lower cut and then another even lower than that. Another funny (not humorous-funny, but ironic-funny) observation I have made is that when the low comes and the first wave of nausea has installed itself firmly in your gut, you can get up and keep on functioning and before you know it you are talking and laughing despite the underlying threat of the-fear-of-the-unknown.
I would just like to stand here and say that when life has essentially swept you off your feet and turned you on your head, that it is possible to walk on your hands.
I would also like to say that friends and family are essential to the mind's retention of sanity during this time of increased stress. My family has been the impetus to be strong and not fail and my friends have been a surprising blessing, giving me a hand and an ear.
Through it all I try not to cry in front of anyone but God. I can't stand having anyone else see me fall, because then they are forced to carry the burden of my pain plus whatever hurts and stresses they are feeling already. I prefer to be strong and dry eyed, then cry later on my own with God.
Through all this the only real thing that has saved my life is the total trust that I have in God. If I for once thought that He didn't care or that He didn't exist, I would have to just curl up and disappear. I cannot live without His comfort and without the knowledge that He won't give me more than I can handle. *sigh*
I am going to stop before I start preaching because if there's anything I dislike more than sauerkraut, it's preaching.
That is all. Thank you and goodnight.
Christine
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